there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Blood and glitter go together right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
