just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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