Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
