Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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