Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
