her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
