I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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