I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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