some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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