I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
