Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
