I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
