how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
