Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
