You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
