So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
