Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
