I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
