btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
