We're facebook friends in real life
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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