my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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