It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
