I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
