dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
