I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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