Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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