the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
