you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
