Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
