it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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