i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
