She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
