you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize