i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize