i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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