she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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