if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
