I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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