i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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