One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
