I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
