google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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