I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
