After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
