Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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