I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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