Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
