she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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