Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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