sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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