Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
