You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize