I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
