feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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