we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
