Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
someone owes me an orgasm
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
