Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
