Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she peed on how many people?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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