It's Friday. Sex?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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