So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
