why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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