My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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