I need to stop coming to work sober
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
