my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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