so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
