he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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