"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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